


These hills have eyes (and I got paranoia)

by CasualMaraudering



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: (In one line), (again only one line), Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Non-Magical, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Cheating, Cliche, Depression, Gay Sirius Black, God this is the most cliche thing I've ever written, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Lack of Communication, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Mild Sexual Content, Misunderstandings, No actual sex but there's mentions of it, Not actually cheating, Remus Lupin Needs a Hug, Therapy, and one slightly sexy scene but no sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-30
Updated: 2019-12-30
Packaged: 2021-02-27 10:40:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,839
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22025701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CasualMaraudering/pseuds/CasualMaraudering
Summary: Remus feels his stomach twist uncomfortably. In an instant, he turns away and walks out the door, not caring whether Sirius hears it closing.He feels his eyes sting as his brain screams at him; it all makes sense, in the worst of ways. But he refuses to say it to himself, even if all the dots slowly connect. Sirius wouldn’t. He’d never do that.Not his Sirius, no.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 16
Kudos: 332
Collections: Wolfstar Secret Santa 2019





	These hills have eyes (and I got paranoia)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [InvisbleDragon](https://archiveofourown.org/users/InvisbleDragon/gifts).



> A Secret Santa gift! Prompt was "betrayal" but with a happy ending, I hope this suffices?  
> Happy holidays!  
> Title from "I Think I'm OKAY" by Machine Gun Kelly

Sirius has been acting strange. More than strange, even. 

Remus notices something’s wrong on Monday. For the longest time, their Mondays were pretty much the same; Remus has afternoon classes, and Sirius has evening ones. They’re both at home by 8, so they order takeout and start watching something on Netflix, usually late into the night cause they’re both free on Tuesdays. 

It may not be much, but it’s _their thing._ They always spend Monday evenings together. Always. So it comes as a surprise when Sirius isn’t home til well after midnight, without even sending Remus one text about why he’s late. 

He’s not drunk when he finally gets home, so that’s good, but Remus still sits on the couch with his arms crossed, refusing to acknowledge Sirius for a moment, waiting for some sort of explanation. 

“You’re still up?” is the first thing Sirius asks. Remus scoffs at him.

“Of course I am. I was waiting for you.”

“Why?”

Remus furrows. “It’s _Monday,_ ” he hisses out. Usually, he wouldn’t even care much, but that’d be if Sirius let him know he’d be busy; instead, Remus spent _hours_ worrying like crazy only for Sirius to stroll home as if he didn’t just ignore Remus’s texts for half a day.

_“Oh.”_ Sirius looks to realize it, an apologetic look appearing on his face. “Shit, Rem, I’m so sorry, I-... I guess I just… forgot.”

_Forgot._

“Right.” Remus chokes out. “And didn’t bother looking at your phone at all, all day?”

“I’m really, really sorry. James wanted help with some bullshit and I completely blanked and forgot it’s Monday.” Sirius comes to sit down next to Remus, putting his hand on Remus’s cheek. “I’m an idiot, you know that. Forgive me?”

Remus lasts approximately five seconds before a smile creeps onto his face.

“You’re lucky I like you.”

Next morning, Remus wakes up alone. The fact the place next to him is empty startles him enough to leave the warm and comfortable bed. Sirius _never_ wakes up before 10 on a free day, and it’s barely past seven. 

Remus’s first instinct is to check the bathroom, but then he hears a noise from the kitchen, so he heads there.

“Yeah, that works great.” Remus furrows when he hears Sirius clearly talking to someone. Do they have guests? So early in the morning? 

No response comes, and Sirius speaks once more.

“Can I just meet you there?”

He must be talking on the phone, then. Remus crosses to walk into the kitchen; Sirius is standing facing away from him, so he doesn’t notice Remus’s presence in the doorway.

“Can we do that? I just… I don’t want my boyfriend finding out,” Sirius says in a hushed voice.

Remus feels his heart skip a beat in an unnerving way. What is it that Sirius doesn’t want him to know?

“Okay, yeah, that’s fantastic. You have my number, in case you need anything.” With that, Sirius says his goodbyes and hangs up.

“Who was it?” Remus says in the most calm voice he can muster while his head goes through a long list of _‘what is it that Sirius can’t have me knowing?’_

Sirius, startled, almost drops his phone as he abruptly turns to face Remus.

“Jesus, you scared me,” Sirius laughs. “When did you come here?” Remus can clearly tell Sirius is nervous. But why would he be? What is it about this conversation that Sirius doesn’t want him hearing?

‘Just now,” Remus lies, hoping it’s believable. “Who were you talking to?”

“Oh? That, uh, that’s just James. You know him, the asshole has the audacity to call me at this ungodly hour,” Sirius comes up to Remus, puts his arms around his waist and leans to kiss his neck. “Wanna go back to bed? We can have a lie in.”

_Ah, yes. Distracting me with sex. Typical._

Although he knows Sirius is just straight up lying to him - if it were James, Sirius would talk to him for at least an hour more, and he’d happily put him on speaker for Remus to talk to as well - he lets himself be led back into their bed. Soon enough, Sirius makes him forget all about everything he might’ve worried about. Even if just for a moment.

As Remus is lying inbetween the messy sheets, Sirius’s chest against his back, listening to the other man breathe (of course, Sirius is already asleep, and Remus suspects he’s gonna stay that way til noon), this morning and the night before creep back into his mind. 

_‘I just forgot.’_

_‘I don’t want my boyfriend finding out.’_

What was Sirius hiding, exactly? Was he hiding anything at all? And why would he even need to hide anything from Remus? They’ve been dating since high school, friends since elementary school, surely Sirius trusted him enough to tell him just about anything… right?

Remus doesn’t want to just jump into theories about Sirius’s behaviour like that, but he can’t help but be curious, if not a little worried.

The first thing that comes to mind is Sirius’s family. In the past, whenever Sirius was acting off, it always had to do with his relatives. But that wouldn’t really make sense right now, would it? Ever since his biological parents died (a fact Sirius hasn’t been upset about _at all_ , and Remus really didn’t blame him) over a year ago, there wasn’t anything that could really upset him in that front. And he’d surely tell Remus if he got into a fight with Regulus, since Sirius has always loved to be vocal about his brother’s shenanigans. 

Other than that, Remus doesn’t really have any idea as to what might be wrong. They’ve always told each other everything, Sirius would tell him if something weren’t okay. So what’s with all the secrecy?

Remus decides to, for now, let it go, and try to forget about it. If it were something serious, his boyfriend would tell him soon enough. Maybe all Sirius needs is a little bit of time. 

By next Monday, Remus is convinced that something is _definitely_ wrong. 

Sirius had been acting strange all week long. He seems nervous all the time, he keeps glancing at his phone every second, and hides its screen out of view anytime Remus is anywhere near him - which he’s never done before, hell, Remus knows Sirius’s passcode, and yet Sirius randomly started behaving as if there’s something he needs to hide.

Whatever they’ve been watching that Monday afternoon is long forgotten as Remus is straddling Sirius on the couch, feverishly sliding his hands underneath Sirius’s t-shirt. Remus can tell Sirius has been distracted with something all evening (although, of course, he’s no idea what’s Sirius distracted _with),_ but now it all seems gone as he feels Sirius’s fingers creeping up his shirt and ghosting over his spine. They take their time, lips and hands travelling up and down, and Remus slowly starts rutting against Sirius’s hips.

Yes, it’s all going quite wonderful, and Remus is now down on his knees in front of Sirius, when, _of course,_ Sirius’s ringtone sounds off in the room.

“Ignore it,” Remus breathes out, and kisses Sirius’s stomach as his hands work on the zipper. And he expects Sirius to do just that. But instead, Sirius takes the phone out of his pocket, looks at the screen, and promptly swears. He then pushes Remus’s hands away with a _“wait.”_

Remus leans back to sit on his heels, confusion spreading on his face. 

“Give me a second, I have to take this,” Sirius says in a hurry, and then he clumsily gets off the couch and leaves for their bedroom, and then Remus can even hear the balcony door opening.

Remus is simply sat down on the floor, staring at the door in complete confusion. Sirius didn’t even mention who called, he just hurried off with no explanation, and that’s _nothing_ like Sirius. He’s usually never to answer the phone when they’re about to have sex (Sirius has a policy of ‘nothing is more important than sex’, which Remus doesn’t necessarily agree with, but it has Sirius always putting his phone on silent if someone’s disturbing them), and if he does, he always tells Remus who’s calling. And why would he even leave? He’s never this secretive about people calling him!

Remus spends a good minute sat on the carpet until Sirius comes out of the bedroom. But instead of an explanation, or a _‘sorry, let me make it up to you’_ and then fucking Remus all the way to next week, Sirius heads towards the door and starts putting his jacket on. Shoes follow. 

“I’m so sorry, I really need to go, this-... thing, uh. Came up. James needs me, you understand, right?” he gives Remus a peck on the forehead, and just like that, Sirius is out the door. 

And Remus spends another five minutes on the floor because _what the fuck was that._

He doesn’t bother waiting for Sirius. He leaves the lounge, climbs into bed, and tries not to listen to the stupid things his mind is trying to feed him.

And so Monday turns into Tuesday and that turns into Wednesday, and Sirius is still acting weird. When Remus is back from his classes that day, he has every intention of confronting Sirius about everything.

His plans don’t really work out, though.

Sirius is on the phone - _again -_ and therefore doesn’t hear Remus come in. Whoever he’s talking to, it’s quite a heated discussion, it seems.

“I can’t just do that, come on. Who do you think I am?... Listen-... James!”

Ah, of course. Who else if not James?

“He might start suspecting things. Hell, I think he already might know something, and I can’t have him know. _He cannot know._ He thinks I’ve been with you on Monday so you better come up with something you needed me for cause I’m fucked if he finds out.”

Remus feels his stomach twist uncomfortably. In an instant, he turns away and walks out the door, not caring whether Sirius hears it closing.

He feels his eyes sting as his brain screams at him; it all makes sense, in the worst of ways. But he refuses to say it to himself, even if all the dots slowly connect. Sirius wouldn’t. He’d never do that. 

Not his Sirius, no.

He manages to admit it to himself next Tuesday.

“So, anything interesting happened since we last saw each other?” Poppy asks him, with her usual polite smile on.

After the usual bunch of questions about his mood (could be worse), and whether he’s been taking his meds (no, not for a few days now - and Sirius hasn’t even noticed, when usually he'd keep an eye on it), if the dose isn’t too strong (it was perfect, when he was taking it), and whether he thinks his anxiety is behaving a little better (nope), there comes this. And for once, Remus isn’t sure what to say to her.

She’s been his therapist for years now, and helped him in pretty much everything that’s been bothering him, but that was usually his mental health. Depression, anxiety, that. Not his private life. Can he even talk to her about that?

Poppy seems to take his lack of answer for an answer of itself.

“Is something wrong, perhaps?” 

Remus swallows silently. “I think so.”

Poppy raises a brow in an unspoken question of ‘ _what is it, then?’_

“I’m… You know Sirius, right?”

“Your partner, yes. You’ve told me quite a bit about him,” Poppy smiles at him with encouragement. 

“He’s really been acting weird lately, and I didn’t want to think it’s something bad at first cause you told me not to jump to the worst outcome right away, but…”

He loses his voice for a minute. He doesn’t want to think of it, he doesn’t want to say it because that’ll make it _real_ and Remus cannot handle it. He can’t handle loosing Sirius like that.

“Did you argue with him?”

Remus shakes his head, and takes a breath. He closes his eyes, and breathes in an out again.

“I think he’s cheating on me.”

Silence follows him. Remus’s heart is hammering in his chest, and he feels he might vomit. All the signs are there, but he can’t be sure, right? Not until he makes Sirius admit it, at least. There’s still some chance it’s something completely different.

“And why would you think that, Remus?”

And Remus tells her everything. About the phone, and the sudden ‘emergencies’ with James, and the fact that James seems to know, because of course, if anyone would know about Sirius having an affair it would be James because Sirius tells James absolutely everything. 

Poppy waits for him to finish before she speaks again. 

“I’m not going to tell you you’re completely misunderstanding the situation, because it does sound really unlike Sirius. But you’ve been together for so long, and he’s been loyal to you through and through, so it doesn’t seem likely to me. Talk to him. Be honest, tell him you’re worried and that he’s distancing himself.”

“And what if he tells me he’s leaving me?” Remus chokes out.

“Then at least you’ll know for sure, and then you can move on. If he is, then clearly you deserve much better. But,” Poppy smiles at him. “I think he might yet surprise you.”

When Remus comes home, he finds the apartment empty - much to his relief. He wants to clear things up with Sirius, but he doesn’t think he’s quite ready for that right at the moment. He finds a text on his phone telling him Sirius is going to be working on his project at university today, and that Remus shouldn’t wait up - Sirius won’t be back til late. He sends that along with a picture of the people he’s working with, so at least Remus knows Sirius isn’t out with whatever guy he’s been sleeping with on the side.

_Don’t think about that,_ Remus scolds himself. _Poppy said you jump to conclusions too quickly._

Remus plans to make himself a cup of tea and relax in bed after an emotionally exhausting day (or more like few weeks), but when he goes to the kitchen, he finds a piece of paper on the counter. Expecting it to be a note from Sirius, of course, he reads it.

It’s a receipt from a rather posh jewellery store in central London - it doesn’t say what it is that was purchased, but Remus doesn’t even focus on it; there’s something written on the other side.

_You have an eye for jewellery - it’s a beautiful gem! I’m sure it’s gonna fit like a glove._

_I’m free on Tuesday evening - get me a coffee (you know my order by now, I hope!) and we can talk about everything else you wanted to._

_Seán_

Remus’s blood goes cold in his veins, and this time, he’s almost sure he _will_ throw up.

All of Poppy’s words of encouragement are thrown out of his mind as Remus runs to the bedroom and pulls out a suitcase.

_Sirius,_

_Don’t call me or message me. I need to take everything in, alone._

_Maybe I’ll be back long enough for you to explain yourself, but I don’t think I ever want to listen to you speak again. I hoped and prayed that I’m just being an idiot, and you’ve been acting strange because of something you’re not quite ready to talk about yet. Even Poppy told me that you seem so loyal that there’s no way you’d do this to me._

_I’m not gonna ask how could you, or why, because I_ _~~can’t stand~~ _ _don’t want to know. I don’t even want to tell you how fucking hurt I am, because you don’t deserve to know._

_Tell Lily I’ll talk to her sometime soon. Unless she also knows? Yes, I know you’ve been lying and James covered for you each time. I can’t believe both of you would do this to me._ ~~_I can’t believe I love you_~~

_I hope you’re happy with Seán. I’m kindly out of your way now, so you don’t have to sneak around anymore._

_R_

His mum worries, of course. By the morning, she stops asking why is he here, but Remus can tell she knows something happened. Remus told them he needs a break from the city, but he’s never been the best liar.

He doesn’t talk with his parents much. Mostly he walks around the fields and the forest, and lets himself cry.

He hates crying. He always has. It’s always made him think of weakness, something he despises to display. Ever since that time when he was 16, he promised himself to show his parents he’s strong. He’s watched them fall apart enough as it is.

Though, right now he’s not really all that good at pretending. Sirius has been a permanent part of his life ever since Remus was a child. He’s never quite imagined they’d end up apart, that Sirius would hurt him the way he has. He’s been there through every bad day Remus has had, he’s always helped and told him he loved him; he even was there when Remus was 16 and suicidal and was stupid enough to cut his wrists enough to get himself landed in hospital. He’s been through it all, never leaving Remus’s side, always there with encouragement and words of love.

Remus’s biggest fear has always been not being enough. For his parents, for his friends. And for Sirius. And now it’s happened. Sirius clearly _finally_ realized just who he was dating. And found someone better already.

It hurts so, _so much._ Remus never thought he’d hurt quite as much because of his emotions. He’s got days where he’s numb and feels nothing and oh, how he wishes to have that feeling again. Anything to stop the ache in his chest. 

Quite funny that, just as he finally started thinking he’s really happy, his life completely fell apart.

It’s late in the evening, and Remus is restless. He can’t really sleep much ever since he’s been back in Wales, so instead he sits downstairs in the kitchen with an untouched cup of tea. He’s not really in the mood for tea either, but he’s never been above lying to himself. 

It’s pouring rain outside, so much that Remus cannot see any of the dark outside. He probably should head to bed soon. Even if he won’t fall asleep til much later, his mum will worry if she finds him here this late. 

He’s about to head to the stairs when there’s a pounding at the front door. Remus furrows. His parents haven’t mentioned expecting any visitors, especially not this late and in such a downpour. He goes to the door and cautiously opens it. And then he almost shuts it’ except a hand stops it.

“Listen to me.”

Of course, Sirius Black stands on his doorstep, soaking wet.

“Why the fuck are you here?” Remus hisses out, suddenly all melancholia turned into anger. “How _dare you_ be here-”

“Give me a minute to explain!”

“You can’t _possibly_ explain all of this!”

“Yes I can!”

_“Oh, really?_ What, are you gonna call your-”

Remus’s words die in his throat as Sirius pulls out a black box from his pocket. Sirius opens it; inside, there's a ring.

“You got it all wrong, I swear. I’m fucking rubbish at keeping secrets from you and that’s why I’ve been acting so bloody weird, I was worried I’d blurt something out before it was ready. I’m not _sleeping_ with Seán, he owns the jewellery store I went to and he helped me out with this and it’s a miracle he even put up with me because I’ve been so fucking picky cause I wanted you to like it and all the calls and late days out were all about making sure this is perfect cause you deserve it and I’m fucking sorry cause I can see how you’d think what you thought cause I acted like an asshole and never assured you that I’m just doing something for you, and… yeah. I’m not good at this, but I’d never do something like that to you, I swear on everything, and at first I was so fucking _pissed_ that you’d even think I’d ever do something like this but I noticed you haven’t even been taking your meds and that’s how you get when you don’t… So, yeah. That’s it. I just wanted to ask you to marry me. I promise, that’s all. I love you, I wouldn't hurt you like that.”

Remus isn’t sure what to say through the wave of emotion and _relief_ and then another wave of anxiety because _of course he thought of the worst thing and was so wrong;_ so what he does is he closes the distance between them and lets himself feel Sirius’s embrace again, and it feels like his life is right again, even with the rain drenching him in no time.

Remus is sobbing - because truth be told, Sirius is right, Remus turns into a hell of mess if he doesn't take his meds - when he even thinks to say something.

“Yes,” he chokes out. “If you’ll still have me-”

“I wouldn’t want anyone else,” Sirius mumbles, hugging him a bit tighter. “I love you. I promise, no more stupid surprises.”

“I promise to ask you about things next time,” Remus sniffles, burying his face in Sirius’s neck. “And not just jump to conclusions. I’m so sorry.”

“Just take your stupid medication and listen to Poppy next time.”

They’re both completely soaking wet, on the front door of Remus’s parents’ house, and Remus is sure the neighbours must be watching them by now, but he doesn’t even care. 

When Remus pulls away enough to see Sirius’s face, he can’t help but laugh.

“We’re such a mess,” he says, bringing his hand up to brush away the wet strands of hair stuck to Sirius’s face. 

“That’s always been the case,” Sirius replies, and leans down to kiss Remus. For the first time in a _very_ long couple weeks, Remus is finally relaxed. 

“Remus? Is that Sirius?” They pull away and see Lyall and Hope standing in the front door.

“Hi,” Sirius says and waves.

“I’m glad you’ve joined us son, but please, leave the reunion for the inside next time, you’re both dripping wet.”

“I’ll get some towels,” Lyall sighs as they get inside. 

“So, Sirius, why didn’t you just get here with Remus?”

“Oh,” Sirius smiles, his gray eyes twinkling even more than usual (most likely because of the drops of rain on his eyelashes). “I needed to pick up this little thing.”

He casually drops the little box onto the table, and then laughs as Hope squeals excitedly, and then pulls them both into a hug, getting her pjs wet.

Truly, what a mess they are. Remus wouldn’t have it any other way, though.


End file.
